People often think that using boundaries can seem intimidating – to themselves and others. It can be confusing to know how to set them, and a little scary when we try to implement them with others.
However, understanding boundaries and setting them can lead to a sense of confidence, which translates into a more relaxed attitude, transparency and a genuineness that wouldn’t exist. Knowing that one is responsible for oneself, and having the confidence that one can effectively take care of oneself can lead to
Teaching Boundaries to Our Children
It is so tempting for us, as parents, to relieve our dependents of their pain. To protect them from the consequences of their own, or of others’, actions. But do we serve them best by doing so? I wonder. I know that, in hindsight, that I kept my own daughters from experiencing the natural consequences at times. One way we do that is by not allowing them to take increasing and age-appropriate risks. In other words, participating in the activities that are appropriate for their age. This does not necessarily include allowing them to participate in the very same activities of others who are their age. It will depend on your values for them. It could, however, include some of those activities. While we may not think they are ready, it may still be time for them to try. The only way our children learn to make healthy decisions is by being able to decide between choices. In fact, some of my most valuable lessons were results of my having made the less healthy choice for myself. With a caring parent at home, who checked on my activities and welcomed me home at night, I had accountability. Just knowing that they cared and had my back made a huge difference. I wanted my father’s respect. That meant not disappointing him. However, I also didn’t want to be I trouble. I didn’t want to be grounded.